Thursday, September 25, 2003

In public school one develops an anxiety about being unpopular. Compound this with a physically absent mother and an emotionally absent father and you have an inescapable feeling of being unloved. This feeling pops up now and again when I'm mildly repulsed for some indiscretion.

Only God can cheer me up when I'm in one of these blue funks, and that's just what he did last Sunday. It's like he cleaned out a room in my heart and hung a "Do Not Remove (God's Love)" sign on the doorknob.

I was standing around the foyer after worship, looking for someone I could fellowship with. I had been listening to "How to be a People Magnet" on tape and was practicing talking a little bit to everybody.

The pastor's two older daughters are my age and both have daughters of their own. Linnie, the younger one, and her two daughters are very sentimental toward babies. Lisa, the older one, is lately the proud mother of one of these smooch magnets. Anyway, here are Linnie and her girls cooing over Lisa's baby. The baby is looking around wide eyed in her mother's arms as Lisa talks with Grandma Nan, the pastor's wife.

I'm making teasing comments about the whole scene when Linnie, giggling mischievously, grabs me by the chin hair and drags it into the baby's outstretched hand.

Now I'm making even more teasing comments, Linnie and her daughters are tittering, and Lisa is making a comment like, "Of course Dave's her special friend, he's a special friend of her mother's too."

It is like I am part of a song, like I am surrounded by light and pleasant music. Linnie grabs my arm and cuddles it close as she chatters smilingly at the baby. Nobody is looking at me or talking to me but somehow that's all right.

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